We all want our Transition to happen as fast and smoothly as possible. We want nothing to get in our way or hold us back. Naturally, there are some things that happen that are completely out of our control that slow down our progress. Many times the things holding us back is ourselves.
Here are five things that might be holding up your transition. You might find changing any one of these things could be just thing to move transition ahead.
1. LET IT GO!
Just like Elsa say is the movie “Frozen”, “Let it Go!”
All too often, we let little things send us off the rail and sometimes into a fit of rage and anger. Yes, I understand it’s upsetting we someone to use the wrong pronoun. I agree, when someone intentionally uses the wrong pronoun, it should be dealt with appropriately and in a timely fashion. However, letting that one incident take control of your day is not healthy. Don’t give someone who intentionally offended you the power to affect the rest of your day. We each have a choice, just how much power we give to any situation or person. Consider letting the issue go, before you give to much power away with no real benefit in the long run.
I’m also talking about all the little stuff we let affect us. When we let the negative energy seep into our day, it can cause the snowball effect. One little thing happens, you let it affect something else and pretty soon you’re the downslope picking up speed. So how do you Let It Go?
First, you have to decide what truly matters. These are the things that matter most in your day to day life. All the rest is just meaningless stuff. This other stuff, when you give it too much energy or power, it can send you off course. The less time you’re focused on the negative or meaningless stuff, the more you’re opening yourself to the important and more positive things that matter.
2. NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
We’ve all said negative things – I hate my hair, my body, my face, etc.
We all have a level of dysphoria regarding our gender and body. I completely understand not wanting to take on the gender role you don’t relate too. I understand there are parts of our body we don’t like and want to change. What I don’t understand is why we are so quick and willing to put ourselves down.
Negative Self Talk, also known as rumination, can lead to experiencing depression or anxiety. If you wouldn’t say those things to your best friend or even a stranger, why would you say them to yourself?
Spend some time listening to yourself – is your self-talk supportive or critical? If it’s critical, why? Is there a more supportive way to talk to yourself about the subject? How would you tell a friend the same thing? Think of ways to make self-talk statements supportive. Here’s an example:
- Critical – “I’ll never transition.” “It’s impossible.”
- Supportive: “Transitioning has a lot of steps, but I’ll make it one step at a time.” ” If she found a way to transition and be happy, so can I”
3. IGNORING RELATIONSHIP
Transitioning is a very self-centered, ego-driven process.
I make that statement based on personal experience and to a great degree transition needs to be a self-centered, ego-driven process. After all, it’s all about you!
The downside is the lack of happy and healthy relationships we have with people who are not in transition. Yes, I understand it’s important to have people around who are going through the transition. However, at some point, you will complete your transition and it may happen before or after your trans friends. Once you’ve completed your transition, you’ll want to move on in some capacity. However, it’s hard to move on if all the friendship is focused on transition.
Maintaining a small group of friends outside of your transition group makes that process easier. This is not to say those two groups of friends should not enjoy each others company, the more the merrier! Research has shown that people with friends don’t just live more fulfilled lives, they are less sick, recover from illness quicker and tend to be more positive because they have people who support them in every aspect of their lives.
Research has shown that people with healthy friendships don’t just live more fulfilled lives, they are less sick, recover from illness quicker and tend to be more positive because they have people who support them in every aspect of their lives.
4A. THE SOCIAL MEDIA LIFESTYLE
You’re sitting on the couch surf the net, mindlessly eat and bitching about feeling fat!
The New Social Media Lifestyle: It’s a blessing and a curse.
The blessing allows you to keep up with friends and family near and far. You can support them in their challenges and cheer for them in their successes.
The Curse has you’ll spend hours doing nothing but sitting on the couch. We read updates, see photos and watch funny animal videos. Everyone’s life is so exciting! Why isn’t my life this exciting?
Researchers cite what we all know about social media, but don’t always remember — people post the best versions of themselves online. Reading the best versions of everyone’s life leave the rest of us feeling envious and resentful. This leads to negative self-talk (see #2) and despair that our life or transition is not going as well as everyone else. Remember that everyone does things at their own pace in their own way. Turn off your screen and start living your own life, create your own great story to post and stop living vicariously through others. Don’t get caught in FOMO, Fear of Missing Out, Mode, get into JOMO, Joy of Missing Out.
4B. THE SOCIAL MEDIA LIFESTYLE
The second part of Social Media Lifestyle is diet and exercise or should I say lack of either. Social media has been known to support mindless eating and limit vigorous exercise. If you’re taking hormones, mindless eating and minimal exercise are a bad combination. Hormones affect more than just your breast growth and skin texture they affect your metabolism and fat distribution. That’s right, estrogen can make you gain weight. Diet and exercise, on the other hand, can help maintain your weight. There’s an added bonus if you start exercising – your brain will start releasing endorphins and monoamines. These brain chemicals help the body deal with pain, stress, depression and anxiety. In the end, a good diet and exercise will make you feel better.
Another important piece about diet and exercise is surgery. Surgeons are more likely to deny a patient who is overweight, has high blood pressure or other health related issues. Being healthy is not only important for your mental health but important in moving your transition forward with surgery and recovery.
5. FORGETTING TO DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE
What is your passion?
It doesn’t really matter what your passion is. Making sure you carve out time to pursue them. In a world that runs 24/7, time is of the essence, which can make you feel like running around in circles. To keep that from happening it’s important to unplug and do something you love.
Happiness is a choice. Hopefully, it’s not a hard one to make. It’s about taking the time to think about what truly matters and making sure you follow through on whatever that may be.
While many of us a guilty of these five things, myself included, It only takes a little focus to get yourself back on track.
I would love to hear your thought and the ways you’re keeping yourself on track to a fast and successful transition.